sadies

I did it!  I asked a guy on a date and he said yes.  HA! 
Sadie Hawkins.

this is how I asked-

it took a ridiculous amount of time to freeze this thing

to give credit where it is due, this was Sean's idea; aided, of course, by Matthew and Ty.

It was successful.  We went, there was food there.  It was good.  We danced, we played with balloons.  We went with
Lacey and Lance
and Bree and Ben.
 Having never been to a dance before, I did not ask Mike until after I had convinced Lace and Bree to go too.  I'm rather oblivious when it comes to things like this, so I felt better about going in a group.
Sadies.  You dress up alike, right?  This was my genius thought- *we've both done paint wars*
Paint war shirts and jeans.  PERFECT!
wrong.
Fine print says 'Semi Formal Attire'
What the heck?  We we wore black and gray.
Lacey, Lance, Bree, and Ben are all into Supermario Smashbrothers.  So they planned to dress up as Princess Peach, Maria, (some other character), and Luigi- BUT Ben didn't have a green polo shirt and was afraid of being under-dressed wearing a green t-shirt, so they didn't dress up.

Mario (Lance) and Luigi (Ben) on the scavenger hunt that asked them.

Which is sad because they probably would've placed and gotten a $25 certificate to Cheesecake factory.  The couple that won though was this adorable married Korean couple.  They were so cool, everyone just wanted them to win.  They weren't in costume, so when the announcer hailed them to the stage they were the 'Traditional Asian couple'.  HAhahaha!  But they can dance so they won.  :)

We came, we ate, we talked, we threw little plastic confetti things across the table at each other, we danced, we ate some more, screamed our heads off, danced, left, talked story at my house for a while and parted ways.

April fools

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.  - Theodore Roosevelt

My friend showed me how to make minimotivation.com my homepage.  Whenever I open Firefox there is a lovely inspirational quote to greet me.  This one is perfect for today. 

Here is a picture, to make me feel better.

I got an email- sadly, my most recent adventures have stemmed from emails.  I suppose it cannot be helped at present.  I promised myself that I will make up for it someday.  For now, that will have to do.

I got an email, well, first I got a txt telling me I got an email.  "Aria, so I would like to apologize for the embarrassing email my dad sent to you.  I did not put him up to it.  Since our families think it might be a good idea what do you think?"

The txt interrupted a much-needed desperately required nap.  Not a favorable circumstance in which to read an email already proclaimed 'embarrassing'.  The email was, obviously, from Joe's (sender) father.

"While listening to Marvin J. Ballard's address in the closing session of Conference, it reminded me of the last conversation I had with Sister Een (Aria's mother, of course).  We had bumped into each other at the Community Garden, which, by the way, is now growing nicely.  As we spoke, a discussion came up regarding our children over in Hawaii, and whether they had found their "eternal companions" yet.  The news was the same for both of us, that our children were both still looking.

I have been pondering that situation for the past few weeks, and have been thinking it would be nice if the two of you dated at least once while you were in Hawaii.  So, I have decided to send you both this email and encourage you to make some contact and discuss the possibility of a date."

There is more, quite a bit more, but this is enough.

I took this once.  It is my favorite.  Someday
I will print a poster of it and hang it...somewhere.
Why is it here?  Pictures make blog posts
endurable and this has a nice calming effect.

I'd rather not go on a date because someone's parents, or best friend, or aunt, or sister thinks it's a good idea.  I would rather be asked based on the person's own perception of my own merit.
I told Joe that it was April fools day, I am not accustomed to being serious or taking other people 
seriously today but I am willing to discuss this later.  Preferably after the first week of next semester because then I will either be in Physics or not and I won't have to read any more depressing novels and write book reports on them.  Hopefully my stress headache will be gone.  If I'm lucky, my back will not be so knotted. I know this is like an official induction into the 'worst people in the world' hall of shame; but right or wrong that is what I said, hopefully deferring any action until I have the brain power to deal with it.
I'll go, if he asks me himself. 

Mr Collins

I have come across Mr Collins in the flesh,

but I am no Charlotte.

Watch this!

Once upon a time, in November, a guy asked me on a date.  This had never occurred in my life, I usually get set up.  I went.  I hoped it would not happen again, but I did not say so because that's rude.  He kept asking, I kept deflecting.  The day before Christmas break I said yes to a goodbye dinner for his graduating best friend.  I planned to talk to him there: "I tried, but this is not working.  Thank you.  Goodbye."  Alas, it was also his birthday and there wasn't a chance to do so...though I probably wouldn't have said it anyway- it was his birthday.  I returned for a new semester.  We are in Choir together.  I had a class conflict on Tuesdays and Thursdays and needed to leave early on those days.  He had the same time-conflict.  He walked me to class from choir the first day.  I dropped the class (there are many reasons I dropped the class, but that was a big one).  One day I was walking and he said he needed to speak with me.  I allowed him to do so.  He expressed his regard and I expressed my discomfort; it seems that both fell on deaf ears.  However, upon realizing how much this occupied his mind and realizing that I will see him every day until he graduates (this April), I suggested another date.  On Wednesday.  We ate dinner on the hill behind the Temple. 

Reasons why X is Mr Collins:
-He told me he was pursuing his interest in me because I had the approval of his best friend
-He got the idea for the date location from his best friend
suddenly T is Lady Catherine- which I don't like but for right now it fits
- He plans conversations/compliments. Attempts to give them an unstudied air....no kidding
-He told me he has 'something particular to say to [me]' in a public setting
-He told me I would fit in with his family and T likes me
-He is just plain creepy
-Mr Collins is to The Church as X is to Video-games 
- When I said "I am not comfortable around you" he said "Yes, I see that".
-TOO FAST! The first time we talked alone, he expressed.....um....

When I watered it down for a friend, she said "you got proposed to!"

no.  I did not.  He did not ask me to marry him, he just expressed his hopes that I would...multiple times.

i know, yikes.
-He expressed his hopes for me without my provocation, or consent, or desire, but with my resistance.
-He looks like Mr Collins
-Not a romantic, but did use the phrase "spend the rest of my life with" twice.
-Persistence

I'm not kidding, he looks very much like this Mr Collins.

Why did I go?

I chose to go because it was the only way out and this needed to stop.  I was uncomfortable, but safe.
I promise.

Now it has.
<phew>
cool story, yeah?

some things just are

This is going to be an odd post.  This is very personal and the only reason it is here is because I want my family and friends to be informed, but I don't want to re-write this.  Once is more than enough. 
I got a rather interesting piece of certified mail this week.
On Wednesday I went to the post office after my Music Theory class to get this package.  I showed the lady my ID, signed the receipt that says I acquired the mail, signed the electric screen thing, verified my address....all those loops and then said, "Alright.  I've never gotten Certified mail before" and the lady at the desk said, "Well it must be important".

It was a Christmas Card.  I'm not kidding.  I didn't take a picture of it- but it is like this one

This is a singing taco.  Mine was a singing glass of
Champagne.  It sang a "Holiday Cocktail song".

Nothing else was in the flat rate envelope.  But inside the card was a letter.  Verbatim.

Dear Aria,

This is my first time to write a letter to a church member.  I would like to have a pen pal writings to you and to your mormon Lady friends to ease my depression and requesting to send me your pretty colhered  picture to sketch you a charcoal portrait as a token remembrance.  From me, responding to my letter I will cherished it.  If you come back to Vegas I proposed to invite you to a "Kareoke" Filipino Food Restaurant.  I missed your amazing voice dearly.  

The following is literally EVERYTHING I know about the sender:

  He is a new member in my home ward.  I don't remember knowing of him before this summer.  He told funny stories on fast Sundays (angels with laser beams that zap people who don't pay tithing).  He is Filipino.  He does charcoal sketches and has asked my family for a picture of both Alayna and I for him to sketch.  When I sang in Church he told me I should go on American Idol.  His wife died.  He is lonely.  AND he is probably around 60 years old. 

I was shell-shocked.  Very much.  I literally ran into my professor who was glad because he needed to see when I was available to practice.  He noticed that I wasn't really responding well.  So I let the card sing to him and he laughed.  He read the letter.  "Awe, Aria you're appreciated.  Who's it from?" 

"An old man in my ward."
"How old"
"Um, I dunno, 60?"
*cue the eyebrows
"Oooooooh, that's a bit weird.  I was thinking around 80."
nope.

I went into work to use the computers to plan my devotional for my next class.  Why?  Because that is what I had planned to do.  I get to work.  My friend Bree is there.  "Aria?  Are you okay?"

I'm on the verge of tears because I have no freakin idea what to do.  I'm scared.  I showed her the card.  She was really excited.  "This is such a cool card!"  Yeah yeah, but not when when I told her who sent it. No, that made the card rather inappropriate.  

"Wait....Karaoke Filipino Restaurant?  That would be a bar."  She's probably right.

I finished working up my devotional, which was a blessing because it calmed me down quite a bit.

I called my mom after class.  I would like to say this helped, but there is a lot going on at home at the moment.  Good things, but it is hard to share uncomfortable news when mom just gave you "the doc figured out my thyroid stuff, and I'm not going to die". 

Working was great.  It kept my mind occupied.  It was after, when I was alone at the Christmas Lighting Ceremony, that I wasn't doing so well.  By the way- super cool tradition.  It's a program put on by the Elementary school on Nov 30th and TADA! campus is all lit up.  :)

WHAT DO I DO???  I can't not write back because he is all depressed. Right?  but I can't write back because I don't want to...lead him on.  I don't know how to help someone deal with depression.  There is a lot that goes on there that I don't want to get involved in.  Maybe he didn't mean it to be so creepy, there is a bit of a language barrier....and a distance barrier....and and age barrier.... :\

I couldn't tell my roommate about this on Thursday because I saw her in the morning and no way I was going to start my day like this.

I got an email from Bro Peterson in the bishopric telling me that Bishop wants to meet with me before church on Sunday.  Can I say PERFECT!?!?!?!?!  I hadn't even thought of asking Bishop anything but I think that's a good idea.  Super excited for that appointment....even though he probably wants to give me a calling. 

I decided to get rid of the singing cocktail card at the work Christmas party- it was a great White Elephant gift.

This evening (friday evening) I got the the point where I can talk about this. 

So I told Cali.  Her reaction?  I had her read the letter and listen to the card before I told her the 'WHO'.  Cali's thoughts before:

Ooooh, Aria's gonna get a boyfriend!!!!  Mmmm, 'first time writing a member'.  Doesn't sound like he is one- that's not her cup-o-tea. Awe, its a date!  

and after:

<shell-shocked silence>

I can laugh about it.  Cali can give me advice about it.  Namely- you're going home soon so don't respond.  You don't have to be nice when it makes you uncomfortable.  Old men are creeps.  It isn't on you to ease his depression, I know that you feel like it is because he asked, but it really isn't.

By the way- I haven't slept well since Wednesday.  On Thursday my back was really tense.  On Friday my stomach was not happy with anything I put into it, so I stopped putting food in it and stuck to water until the work party which I (as co-chair of the FUN committee) was helping with.   Despite this, I was doing better.  I really was.  I was laughing.  I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.....

Until I was walking with co-working-friends into the Game Center where the party was held.  I don't know how we got to this topic.  I don't know how it came up.  I wasn't tracking the conversation very well.  What I do know is my friend turned to me and said- "I can see you as a cat lady."
There was an earthquake.  I'm surprised the whole world didn't feel it.  The sky shook and everything I've been building came crashing down.  In an instant I saw 9-year-old Aria at a family reunion, hearing the same words from a cousin she loves.  I saw Aria in American lit, Aria during lunch, Aria in the band room,  Aria at a young women's activity, Aria dissecting a cat in Zoology....I've heard these words before.

I know he was kidding.  

He said he was kidding.
Aria, he was kidding.
I know it.

But dear friend of all the things you could tease me about today, this one was not okay.  

I made it through the party.  I made it through the drive home.  I made it into my room to grab my picnic blanket.  I booked it to Laie Park.

After that... I broke. 

A few hours later this is the conclusion-

It is not my fault.  I am not broken.  This isn't because of anything I have or have not done.  I don't have to be responsible for the world.  I can't write everyone, even if they need some love in the mailbox. I don't have to do things that make me feel uncomfortable.  There are other ways to serve, other people to care for, people who are tangible and immediate.  I am independent, a bit too independent.  Living alone might work well for me because I can take care of myself, but I don't have to.  I am not doomed to that fate.  I am a smart kid.  I am a good girl.  I am a much better being than I was a month ago.  God loves me.  This isn't a sign that I'm going to end up with one of the creeps that keep cropping up. These things do happen. Some things just are.