what I haven't told you

It's time I filled you in on the story.


"Who wants to go to Cambodia?" said Dr Bradshaw, my favorite orchestra professor during a class early this term.
Ummmm....who doesn't want to go to Cambodia.  Totally raised my hand.
A few minuets of a little talk, an email, and a pamphlet later.....also about 5 hours later because I worked until 9....I called my mom. 

There is an opportunity for 2 buyh students to go on an internship with an organization called ICHope.  ICHope works with CICFO- the Cambodian International Children Friend Organization.
In a nutshell, the internship is at an LDS Orphanage in Cambodia where you will teach english and computer skills for a whole semester. 
That is something that I am highly interested in. 

credit- www.theglobaloutreach.org

Why?

• I really like orphanages.  That's an odd sentiment, I know, but I honestly have considered working with an orphanage in another country for a long time; more so since my cousin Chelsea worked with one in Central America.  I just found out about an organization that takes volunteers for any amount of time available-- like instead of vacationing during Christmas break you could go work in an orphanage for 3 weeks-- very cool.   I've always been able to see myself working at an orphanage, caring for children that are not my own.  This is an idea that I'm very comfortable with.  To my young mind, orphanage 'moms' were single, loving, happy ladies- something I aspired to be.   *Side note- Something I realized recently is that I've always envisioned myself as a mother and it's something I actively think about and work towards. I've never thought about or actively worked towards being a wife; my list for 'things I want for my kids' puts the 'husband list' to shame.  I feel this has an impact on why I am, well, me.*  I decided not to make this a career because-- dude, I get heartsick when something little doesn't work out quite right for a good friend, I dislike seeing others in emotional pain, and I am really quick to judge people.  I wouldn't trust anyone to adopt my kids and I know that is how I would think of them-- they would be mine.  Mmmmm, not healthy. 
• Also- teaching English to kids (and adults?) will be a really helpful experience when I become a speech pathologist.  A clinical SLP sometimes has to work with patients that, due to brain or muscle damage, almost have to re-learn to speak.  It'd be helpful.
• I think an underlying reason I'd like to go is because, secretly, I'm not ready to leave.  It may be like an escapist principle.  If I go away to do an internship, I have to stay here longer to get the classes that I missed.  I'm not ready to move on, I haven't learned enough.
• I'm free to go now.  I'm not tied to anyone here, it's a great semester to go, I don't anticipate being any more able to get up and take off for 3 months in the future.

BUT before I talked to anyone connected with the internship, I spoke with Brother Belnap who said yes, I could walk back onto the choir in January and still be able to go on tour to New Zealand/Australia next summer.   I talked to Dr K about working from Cambodia and the ability for me to package this as a music internship so I can receive school funding.  I talked to Dr Bradshaw and he'll forgive me for not being in the orchestra.  I talked to my academic adviser who adjusted my map and gave me a 'go for it'. I talked to the Health Center, and yes the school insurance covers students on school sanctioned internships.  I talked to career services to see about some of the internship standards and policies; most importantly, how many internships I can do-- if I do this one, can I still do one with the Shropshire Music Foundation?  The answer was yes, yes I can. That, for me, was the last piece of the academic puzzle.
Then I emailed Natalie.  She is the lady who set this thing up with the sisters in Cambodia.
I had an interview with her on Tuesday evening.  I felt very much at peace immediately afterwards.  I knew there were other applicants.  I knew that the decision was in God's hand.  I was able to pray, not for me to go, but for the right people to go. 

ps- these are bracelets that the children make.  The byuh SIFE team sells
them as a way to generate funds for the orphanage.  I totally have one,
I have for like a year now. 

 When I first found out about this and seriously considered it I called my mom.  My mother told my family- she was at a family reunion, it was inevitable.  It's been weeks, but I didn't want to proclaim 'I'm going to Cambodia' and then not be able to go.  I especially did not want to do that to my friends here.  My leaving affects them more directly than it does many of you.  I could be in Cambodia now and the only difference it would make for some of you is that this blog would be more interesting.

I was supposed to find out on Friday.  I postponed checking my email until late afternoon.  Waiting for an email stinks.  I didn't receive it until bout half an hour ago.

I didn't get it.  

That doesn't mean I will absolutely not be able to go though.  The coordinator is talking to the director about maybe bringing me over just to teach music.  Chances are slim, but I want to get the CICFO director and Liz Shropshire in touch with each other so maybe we can take the Teaching Children Peace Foundation to Cambodia next summer.

All in all, this has been quite an adventure.  I've learned a lot about myself and others.  I've grown and I know much good will come of it.  And I will, since I've told you this much, keep you informed.