for some

Forgive me as I attempt to put personal thoughts into words.  It does not come easily.

Doctrine and Covenants 46 talks about gifts of the Spirit.

11- For all have not every gift given unto them; for there are many gifts, and to every man is given a gift by the Spirit of God.
12- To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby.

Much of the remaining section is devoted to a list of Spiritual Gifts.


McKae and I watched the Footloose remake today.  Ariel bugs me.  McKae asked me why and I decided that it was because she is one of those girls who is so beautiful and knows that she can pull tons of crap, and it's okay because she mostly gets what she wants from the men in the story.  It just bugs me okay.

Later we were talking about people and came upon an idea that some people are just blessed to be incredibly beautiful.  To the point that you're wondering 'How are you even human?? Humans have perceptible flaws.' 

Here is an idea that I've been ruminating on:  McKae is sick.  She has been sick for a while and it's hard.  I'm not sick.  My energy levels haven't been significantly reduced. I haven't felt incapacitating pain.   Natalie and McKae both experienced physical pain while they were here.   For the most part, I've been well.

I think I'd add 'drop dead gorgeousness' to the list of heavenly endowed gifts; not mine, I can't get my life to work out because I'm cute.  Do you think physical strength would be added to this list? Absolutely.  Look at the scriptures, there are so many examples where God has endowed His children with strength.

I'm not ripped and I'm not asking to be numbered with the stripling warriors.  But simply the juxtaposition of incredible people whose bodies take an incredible toll and a body that takes it in stride has helped me realize that I am strong.  I wasn't suddenly given strength when I arrived in Cambodia; this isn't really new.  I suppose that I've been strong for a while.  I wasn't always. 

My body is strong.  Great.  Why?  D&C 46:12 says: "To some is given one, and to some is given another, that all may be profited thereby."
What profit is it for McKae to be so ill she has been unable to leave our room on some days?  We can't fulfill a commitment, who does that profit?  What profit is there for 1 teacher when the kids were expecting 2?  And finally, who will it profit when she leaves on Tuesday?

I've been assured that, if there is anyone in the world who could do this on their own, it's me.  When asked if I'll be able to handle things on this end, my answer was 'We'll see'.
That, my dear, is the best I can do.  I cannot see the future.  If I could, I don't know if I would have had the courage to come.  I will try, but there isn't really a litmus test for this kind of thing.  I'm not excited to be without my companion here, but watching her pain for the past few weeks takes it's toll as well and I look forward to her comfort.

 It is said that a person's character is defined by what their thoughts are when no one is around.  What do you do when nobody is watching?
While I am probably more watched here than I have ever been in my life, I think this will prove to be an extremely enlightening experience.  The challenge will be not to feel completely alone.  I'm not.  I know I'm not.
Knowing and feeling are separate things. 

For some, an awaited opportunity is experienced only in part and then is seemingly withdrawn.  For some, an announcement is given to change life's course.  For some it is given to watch powerlessly as someone struggles far from you.  For some, the strength to carry on is given when there is none other to take the responsibility.
Somehow, all will profit.  I think I'll go look up 'profit' in Church literature.  I'm afraid the indended definition is different than my own.