touchy-feely post

about all the things I've learned. 


It also happens to be my 199th post.


I was in Hamilton, New Zealand exactly 6months after the day I left Cambodia.  I realized it as I was making a GoPro video, walking around the Hamilton Temple.  "Hey, remember when we did this in Korea?"  And I did.  I remembered the exact day.  December 13, 2012 (the first one).  


I thought again of all the things that I had learned from that time to this.


I learned how to really fast.  
It was the day that Natalie left.  McKae was already getting sick and we'd forgotten that it was Fast Sunday the day before, so I fasted on Monday.  Mostly for McKae because I didn't want to be left alone, I wanted her to be better.  I didn't eat or drink all day, until about 7 in the evening.  I was praying with part of my brain and teaching with the other part; and when Natalie offered me something to eat I almost refused because I wasn't very hungry.  


I learned to be exceptionally self-driven.


I have learned how to keep better tabs on people. 


I treasure my interpersonal relationships more.

I'm more aware of what lasts.

I learned to do hard things...in a different way than I had before.

The first time I cried in Cambodia was about 2 weeks after McKae had returned home.  I'd made skype appointments that had all fallen through, and I was waiting for another one.  I was signed in and the person on the other side of the line was late.  I hadn't skyped someone on the island for about a month and it was a little nerve wracking.  To distract myself from distress, I signed onto facebook and the first thing I saw was my friend Jodi's comment on a picture I'd posted, asking if there was anything I needed from the island.  There wasn't, and we weren't sure of the mail security, but I was so touched and just grateful that there was still someone who knew they could do something to make sure I was okay, and they wanted to.  I wasn't okay, but after seeing that I was.  That was a really big thing for me.

I learned to be independent with God.

So many of the experiences in Cambodia I've seen come into play within these 6 months following that adventure.  Little things where it's like "Why on earth would this be important" have been useful and have made worlds of difference. 

My friend Martin is currently in the Ivory Coast working with an organization called WELL Africa (started by current BYUH students. awesome guys).  I know how much I appreciated any thoughts I could get from my 'former life', and so I'll send him a line or so when I feel like I should and I know that's been good for him. 

I learned to love.  I thought I knew before that-- HA.  false.  I did not.  I probably still don't, but I know more.
I learned how to live for the small-child stampede that met me in the mornings.
I learned how to love desperately.
I learned to trust AND rely a little.
I learned to love by serving.
I learned how to fall, unstoppably, into it.
I'm learning how to verbally express it- not one of my fortes.  

I learned to serve in every moment I could. 

On my choir trip I learned to talk very easily with others about the Gospel, the choir, music, interests...to be truly interested.

I listen better.  I care more.  I may be just a bit more private, but I want to only share meaningful things and sometimes I just don't have the words, or enough time to find them.